Dependence

Two main things that God is working on in my life are craving His word and depending on Him.


Graduate school has really taught me how to skim a reading.  When we are assigned hundreds of pages of reading I have learned how to skim these pages by quickly reading them looking for key words or dates that I should pay attention to.  Unfortunately this seems to be the only way I know how to read now.  Since the business school is on break I was excited to take up reading as a past time again, at least for a week.  Although when starting to read I realized that I was skimming even a book I was reading for pleasure.  I have been reading the bible like this as well.  Every night when I sit down to read a chapter or two of the bible, I have been skimming searching for key words as well.  I now have to force myself to read it a few times to completely comprehend what I am reading so that I don't automatically go into this mode.  God has really been working on me to learn to separate what I am reading for school and actually crave reading his word in a real way instead of reading it like I am reading a book for school.  Sometimes it seems reading the bible is just another check on my to do list for the day but instead it is becoming a reward at the end of a long day.


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When I think of truly living I think of depending on God 100%.  For someone who really likes things planned out, this is really hard for me.  I honestly have no idea where I will spend this summer for my internship or where I will be living next year or where I will be working in a year from now when I graduate.  These uncertainties are really hard for me to deal with and they really put me outside of my comfort zone.


For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. --Jeremiah 29:11


I need to remind myself constantly that God does have a plan and that even though I am feeling out of control and have no idea what will happen in the next year, God is in control and He knows exactly what will happen and that His plan is good.  Although I hate this feeling of lack of control, the idea of depending on God and truly letting Him work in my life really allows me to rest in Him.


-Carly